A week ago thursday was the hardest day I have faced in a long time. (June 24th) A man that I had known and loved for the last 17 years passed away......He was my step-dad J.D. This man loved us as if we were his own kids......Accepted us, baggage and all, no questions asked.......You may wonder why I am putting this here.....Its because there are so many questions in my heart and very few know of this blog whereas my little sister reads my other blog quite often....I don't want her to question anything about her daddy's untimely passing nor will she know about the poor choices that our mom has once made until the time is right......
J.D. was a great man.....The song "he didn't have to be" I know this is not the name of it but it talks about a single mom who went out on a date with someone new.....And how this little boy hoped that he could be the dad that he didn't have to be.........This song suited J.D. perfect........He was an awesome dad..........There was another song that was played at his funeral that I hadn't heard in a very long time.......Its called "Daddy's hands" by Holly Dunn........Daddy's hands weren't always gentle when I'd done wrong, Daddy's hands were kind and gentle.........I'm not even sure this is how the words go but you get what I am saying......I will figure out one of these days how to add music to my blog and that will be one of the songs that I ad......
J.D. died of a massive heart attack after coming out of surgery for what had become known to us as a routine surgery.....J.D suffered from cerebal palsy........I say suffered and I shouldn't because he never let it slow him down......He faced challenges each and everyday and conquered them with great pride.......Anyways one of his side effects of the cp was that his uretha would close off with scar tissue......He would constantly have uti's........So ever so often they would go in and build him a new uretha to help pass the urine out of his system......Well the 23rd of June, he was at the hospital for this surgery once again.........He had had numerous tests on his heart for the past several years......He had been having periods of blacking out.......Looking back we now know that they were heart attacks......He had many tests done......Ekgs and stress tests.........He made out of surgery just great........But during recovery they were never able to get a handle on his pain.......This was something unusal because with his cp, he lived in pain most days from the spastic in his muscles........He kept complaining of his back hurting.........They ran ekg after ekg.......It was on the 3rd ekg that they discovered that he was having a massive heart attack.......Mom and J.D.'s pastor and wife was there with them.......They had to rush J.D. to the cath lab.....It became a dangerous situation at that time........Normally with a heart attack you are given blood thinners.........but with him just having surgery, the surgery sites open and adding blood thinners could have done more harm then good........He could have bled to death if given to much....They went in and found out that his right artery was a 100 % blocked and the rest were 75% blocked...........They were able to place 3 stints in his right artery but because he was so unstable they were not able to get in to the others.....They came out of the cath lab and told mom and everyone that was there that the next 24-48 were critical.........I recieved the first phone call around 8:30 that night that he had had his first heart attack........I asked questions but mom was in no frame of mind to answer them.......Mom and Sarah was up at the hospital and while he was somewhat stable, Sarah and I talked on facebook.....joking around being happy.........A friend of mine who also has cp and I were joking around............And about 5 mins before I got the phone call that his heart had stopped..........Mom made Sarah get off the computer and my friend also got off the computer.........We joked that he had made it this far that everything was going to be ok........I keep hearing/seeing those words in my mind that everything was ok.......Then my world stops........My phone rings and its my mom calling me and telling me that his heart has stopped beating........That they are working on him.........I'm at a loss of what to say, what to do......I hung up with her and prayed to god that they would be able to bring him back.........When my phone rang again in what seemed like only seconds, it was my little sister screaming and crying..........He didn't make it.......I had to ask mom as Sarah was to out of it....Why would God take him from us....He was put here to help us heal from the abuse that we had suffered.........It wasn't his time to go!!!! We were not ready for him to go..........but apparently he had accomplished all that he was meant to accomplish......
Why are we left with so many unanswered questions?? How can drs miss a heart so badly damaged by heart attacks that could have prevented his untimely death!! How can it take 3 ekgs to find out that he was having a massive heart attack as it was.......Why did they not do labs/ok if they did I dont' know......those labs should have shown that he was having a heart attack.......Why when they did a stress test 2 wks before that it came back fine?? Why when they did an echo a year and a half ago did it not show some of the damage then.........these black outs had been going on for at least 4 1/2 yrs..........If these tests do not show much then why do they do them at all.......Is there more that could have been done??
These questions come from a broken heart that will eventually heal somewhat....but for now I will mourn the loss of a great man who didn't have to be a dad......
When he met my mom and asked her to marry him.......He became an instant dad of 5 very scarred children.......3 teenagers who were scattered threw out kansas........Teenagers that needed unconditional love and understanding.........He gave us that and so much more............
R.I.P J.D~We love you....You will be greatly missed....And while we are sad of your passing, the sadness is for ourselves in what you will miss in our lives and in the lives of our children.......Our sadness is not for you........We are rejoicing that you are in heaven with our heavenly father and that you are holding our baby sister Gabriel and that you are not in any pain...You have your perfect body.......Our sadness will soon pass thou missing you will not..........watch over us and be our guardian angel that we so despertly need........We love you!!!!
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